you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
