i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
