What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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