Just mADE A PArabola og urine
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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