So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
