I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
