but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
