Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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