every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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