i barfeds in our rink
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
