At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
