Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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