I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
