Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
