it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
