i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it's like heaven, but drunker
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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