You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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