It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
