when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
