so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You can't just leave with hair like that
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
