it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
