i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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