I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
