Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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