So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
