All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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