The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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