I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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