my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
