He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
