I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
