When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
