Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
