the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
