You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
