so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
