I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
