I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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