I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
