So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Pooping to opera.
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