I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize