yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
