i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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