I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
