so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And my parents said I crawled through the house
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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