just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
