...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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