Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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