I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh god it's open bar.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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