Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
