I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
