He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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