he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
