saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize