i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize