Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
