so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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